Best Zombie Gear

best-zombie-survival-gear

When it comes to killing the undead your weapons are only as limited as your imagination. You could use a chair leg or you could use the latest advanced space age axe. You might be a cheap bastard and insist on that old wooden baseball bat in your garage will work “just as well”… but it won’t.

As a man who has personally killed over 10,530 zombies in a variety of online video games and had a B.B gun since the age of 9 I know what weapons work.

You might think that all weapons are made equal and as long as it has a blunt surface or sharp surface you’ll be able to successful burgeon your ass all the way to safety, well you’re wrong.

I’m guessing that the majority of you reading this aren’t in the most unbelievable shape possible. I might be wrong, but there is a good chance that your idea of a fun weekend isn’t crawling through mud or running through a complex obstacle course.

No worries, I understand, you might not be in peak physical shape, but hey fuck it at least you can have some sweet weapons, right?

Introducing the World’s Deadliest Zombie Knives, Axes, and Swords As Decided by Me

marc white zombie gear

What a handsome son of a bitch.

I’m Mark White and I’m not only a self-appointed zombie killing badass I’m also an avid weapons aficionado. I’ve successful convinced most of my ex-girlfriends that I’m not a bit to obsessed with survival and zombie gear. Perhaps, spending most of my savings on supplies and a storeroom full of everything you can think of didn’t help.

Or perhaps it was my large collection of zombie-killing instruments.

Anyways this guide isn’t about me, it’s about weapons.

Specially ones that are great for killing any human that has been infected. I’ve reviewed every product you are about to read about.

This are all field tested and work. I will have to admit since the release of big hollywood hits like War World Z and that shitty Will Smith movie, people have gone crazy buying zombie weapons – but most of them are utter shit, crappy Chinese made ripoff that you couldn’t even cut a piece of cheese with let alone another man’s limbs.

We are gonna start this guide off with a few principles of zombie killing badass-ery, by the end of this you will not only understand how to kill zombies but you’ll know the best weapons and zombie gear to do so.

You’ll emerge from this guide with a 94.3% increased chance of zombie survival.

If you are looking for survival gear jump over to my main survival guide where you can learn about what kind of survival kits and gear work best.

The Internet’s Most Badass Guide to Zombie Weapons and Zombie Gear

  • You Suck at Using Weapons
  • Chair Legs and Blunt Objects Aren’t Good Weapons for Zombie Killing
  • The Three Commandments of Good Zombie Weapons
  • Swing, Bash, Watch Your Back
  • 10 Best Zombie Weapons On the Planet Earth

You Suck at Using Weapons

I mentioned this before, you’re probably fat. As someone who is a bit overweight I feel comfortable calling whoever is reading this a little fat. You might not have problems in your daily life, but survival is not daily life.

When was the last time you ran half a mile through various terrain, slicing and bashing assailants from all sites all the meanwhile worrying about being eaten by a group of brain-eating undead creatures? all the while carrying and using the best zombie gear around?

Most of us aren’t trained or conditioned for combat survival and DEFINITELY not conditioned to swing around some Braveheart sword like a fuckin barbarian out of 153 A.D. We are out of shape, weak 21st century people who drive cars and complain about slow Internet connections.

So basically don’t buy some massive weapon that is too heavy to swing around effectively.

You might feel like an absolute badass holding a giant sword or better yet some gigantic sledgehammer like weapon that an ancient Scandinavian king named Rothgar or Ragnar once wielded, but it won’t be much use in killing hundreds of zombies.

Chair Legs and Blunt Objects Aren’t Good Zombie Gear for Zombie Killing

I’ll break this down into two simple rules.

Rule 1 – Everyday objects suck for killing zombies.

Why? Well they are every fuckin day objects! They aren’t made for repetitive killing. They will break, splinters or destroy your hands. It’s like trying to wash the dishes with an old wool sweater, yes it will work, but it’s definitely not the most effective.

Rule 2 – Blunt Objects aren’t any good for killing the undead either.

The reason is simple, blunt objects take a lot of energy and effect and unless you have trained your type 2 muscle fibers for that kind of sustained workout, you’ll get tired and be eaten.

The Three Commandments of Good Zombie Weapons

There are 3 commandments when it comes to a solid zombie gear. Deny or forget these at your own peril.

Rule 1 – Light is Better.

The lighter your weapon, the better your chances are of using it effectively for a long period of time. This is especially important when you don’t have good form. Also, don’t think that just because it’s light it will break. All the products I’ll be reviewing are made of high quality steel that won’t suddenly fall apart.

Rule 2 – A good handle makes a good weapon.

Weapons novices may downplay the importance of a great handle, but let me tell you when it comes to melee weapons it’s just as important as the blade. A great handle allows you to keep the blade steady and avoid slippage which could potentially be deadly.
Avoiding handle injuries is extremely important when it comes to hand to hand combat. A great grip also requires less strength and endurance to hold.

Rule 3 – Have more than one weapon.

There are a lot of bad things that can happen if you have one one zombie slaying instrument, for example:

  • Your blade could get stuck in a zombie’s brain.
  • You might have to defend from multiple angles.
  • You might need to throw it.
  • You might have to lend one to a friend.
  • The blade may chip.

and most importantly – having multiple weapons makes you feel awesome (please refer to the above image of myself holding my favorite zombie gear).

Swing, Bash, Watch your Back


You don’t need to take a zombie killing course to know the basics, I’ll teach them to you right here – in 3 simple words – swing, bash slice. That’s all you need to know about using zombie gear.

Zombie killing experts like myself have been using these for thousands of years, since the time of zombie dinosaurs, so this shit works.

Technique One – Swing like a Mofo

hockey-fight-swining

This rule is simple, when in doubt swing. Don’t be conservative with your swinging, since you’ll be using one of my recommended weapons ( I hope ) you’ll have a lightweight weapon that you can use for a long time. It’s also hard to judge distance, so you may as well swing like these guys.

 

Technique Two – Bash

I know, I know. You might be thinking, Marc told me not to bash things because I’ll get tired. However, what sometimes you’ll need to do a little bit of bashing. There are a couple options when it comes to smashing things.

Use something that acts like a shield to bash then deliver a solid blow.
Bash with the backend of the axe (especially good if you’re using a tomahawk)

Technique Three – Watch Your Back Yo

From my thousands of hours of online video games I’ve become an expert at hand to hand combat, combined that with my vast experience running around my friend Steve’s farm in full camo gear practicing killing I’ve identified the most common mistakes of all zombie victims – not keeping your back against a wall.

You might be thinking, well if my back is against a wall I can’t run away. Yes that’s true, but standing in the open is an invitation to get attacked from all angles at once. Instead you need to focus on keeping your back safe and fighting only what is coming forward.

10 Best Zombie Weapons On the Planet Earth

This is the most complete list of zombie weapons anywhere online. I’ve tried ALL of these and meet all of the standards that I explained. I’m open to making a new addition to these top 10 weapons anytime.

Now I know that there are hundreds of sweet zombie weapons but I’ve focused on a few things to qualify my picks:

  • Durability
  • Multiple Use – These are all practical for camping or gifts.
  • Light and High-Quality
  • I liked them.

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4 Best Kinds of Weapons for Zombie Killing Awesomeness

Not all weapons are made equal when killing your zombified neighbors. Here are a couple important questions to ask yourself before buying some zombie gear:

  • Are you killing adult zombies or small children zombies?
  • How strong are you?
  • Do you mind blood splashing all over your face?
  • Will there be zombie animals such as zombie goats, dogs or even worst – zombie squirrels.

There is a lot to this. It’s actually a science, but luckily the objective is pretty simple. Either cut off a major limb or go for a nice head shot. Most of the time you’ll aim for the later and just try to finish things up quick.

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Axes

Axes is a bit of a misnomer, it’s more like tomahawks. The tomahawk was originally a North American Indian weapon that become popular for it’s versatility and deadly effectiveness. Light, durable and with 2 points to attack the tomahawk is a lethal weapon in the hands of a skilled adversary. It’s even easy enough for the average person to use effectively.

The advantage of axing zombies to death is the downtown angle of attack. This utilizes natural gravity and allows you to really do more damage while expending MUCH less energy. Combine that with the the ability to attack with the butt of the weapon and you have an extremely brutal tool.

A good tomahawk is also a great tool for camping. I carry one around in my truck and even have one at home. Consider a couple of other great uses for the tomahawk:

  • Most of them can double up as a fire starter.
  • Good for cutting wood or fish heads. (I’m serious)
  • You can use it as a hammer.
  • Can be used to ply things out.
  • Good for stripping the barf off a tree.

Let’s look at a couple of my favorite axes.

Product DescriptionOur Score
Zombie Killer Skullsplitter Throwing Axe

Zombie Killer Skullsplitter Throwing Axe

Why risk getting close to a zombie when you can throw this awesome lightweight axe right into its head. The Zombie Killer is light and ...

2 Gerber Bear Grylls Survival Hatchet

Gerber Bear Grylls Survival Hatchet

While the Grylls Hatchet looks more like a meat clever than it does a weapon, it’s well balanced and has a small but extremely powerful blade. ...

3 Unite Cutlery Rank Hawk Axe

Unite Cutlery Rank Hawk Axe

Nylon reinforced handle with 30-Percent fiberglass. This lovely weapon comes with an 8-inch blade making it the perfect accessory for zombie ...

Editor choice
4 Smith and Wesson TomaHawk

Smith and Wesson TomaHawk

15.9 Inches of zombie-killing awesomeness. The S&M Tomahawk is light and powerful. It also comes in a nylon sheath. This "extraction ...

5 Columbia River T-Hawk

Columbia River T-Hawk

Like a Tomahawk this come with a razor-sharp back blade as well. It’s a single piece design for increased balance and performance. The ...

6 Gerber Tomahawk

Gerber Tomahawk

You’ll feel awesome just holding this thing. Tomahawks are super light and deadly. I have two of these. The Downrange Tomahawk is a modern ...

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Machetes/Swords

If you have ever hunted wild gorillas in the African rainforest you’ll know how useful a nice machete is. Assuming most of you haven’t done much rainforest foliage destroying, you might not appreciate the beauty of the most versatile and cheap of all weapons – the machete. The king of zombie gear and weapons.

The machete has become an iconic weapon appearing in countless movies and was even the name of a low-budget not-very-funny action movie. But don’t let it’s hollywood failure fool you, the machete is a beast of a weapon and perhaps one of the best zombie killing instruments out there.

This is for a few simple reasons:

It’s Cheap as Fuck
A Machete is like driving a Toyota Tercel, cheap, reliable and not much to it. I’d guess that the average machete could be used to kill at least 300 zombies before breaking.

Great Handle
A machete has a handle that allows for maximum damage with each swing.

Easy to Sharpen
The average machete can be sharpened in under two minutes. Even a quick one minute polish will make it exceptionally sharp.

Keep your Distance
Keeping out of the reach of zombies is extremely important, when it only takes one bite to infect you. The problem with something small like a knife is you need to be really close to make your kill, close enough to be bitten. This isn’t the case with a machete or a sword.

Avoid Blood Splashing Into Your Eyes and Mouth
There is one you haven’t thought of before, have you? Don’t lie. Cutting heads in half and splitting arteries causes massive blood loss, the kind of blood loss that gets projected – in this case, potentially projected into your face. Considering the amount of facial areas where blood could potential seep into, it’s a serious concern.

Product DescriptionOur Score
Survivor HK-717 Outdoor Fixed Blade Knife 15-Inch Overall

Survivor HK-717 Outdoor Fixed Blade Knife 15-Inch Overall

While not as high quality steel as the Gerber Gator. The survivor offers a cheap alternative with a great grip. I keep this guy as a backup ...

Best value
2 Gerber Bear Grylls Parang Machete

Gerber Bear Grylls Parang Machete

The Parang is a modern version of the traditional jungle tribesmen’s machete. Its heavy blade makes short work of branches, vines and undead ...

3 ACE Handmade Shirasaya Japanese Sword

ACE Handmade Shirasaya Japanese Sword

For the price this thing is a steal. Handmade shirasaya and a blade made from carbon steel 1045. The Shirasaya is a serious addition to your ...

Best price
4 Gerber Gator Bolo

Gerber Gator Bolo

Machetes are the most versatile of weapons. Easy to use, effective and strong enough to last for years. The Gator Bolo is cheap and made by ...

Best seller
5 TimberWolf Ninja Sword

TimberWolf Ninja Sword

So this thing goes on your back, ready to be whipped out. At 27 inches this offers a great weapon at a really affordable price. Great addition to ...

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Knives

Think of your knife as your backup weapon. I mentioned earlier than every survival kit or set of zombie weapons requires a knife. The knife is the backbone of your survival kit. There are times you may lose your primary weapon. It might even get stuck in a skull and you don’t have enough time to pull it out. In this kinda situations you need something quick, dirty and effective to pull out.

Knives are your friends
However, you can’t just use any knife. Zombie-killing knives are slightly different. For one, they are bigger and with a more stable grip. There are a lot of knives to choose from, it’s actually bit overwhelming. So in order to make this a lot easier, below is my list of tried and tested knives.

Product DescriptionOur Score
Gerber Bear Grylls Paracord Fixed Blade Knife

Gerber Bear Grylls Paracord Fixed Blade Knife

Full Tang stainless steel construction. Handle wrapped with 60 inches of customizable paracord. The Paracord fixed blade comes with a handy ...

Best value
2 Gerber Remix Tactical Knife

Gerber Remix Tactical Knife

If you want something small the Gerber Remix Tactical is exactly what you want.  Small enough to fit into a survival kit, it’s a great backup ...

3 Gerber Bear Grylls Survival AO Knife

Gerber Bear Grylls Survival AO Knife

Cheap, effective and foldable the Survival AO Knife is a perfect Christmas present for that special person. Half serrated blade made with ...

Best seller
4 Gerber StrongArm Blade

Gerber StrongArm Blade

Sturdy, powerful and serrated. Built by Gerber and tested in the field. This is a military grade weapon that will last a lifetime.

5 Gerber GhostStrike Ankle Blade

Gerber GhostStrike Ankle Blade

A lightweight blade that straps to your ankle, it’s extremely sharp and easy to conceal. Comes with ankle strap.

Best price
6 Kukuri Knife

Kukuri Knife

Kukuri knives are originally based on Nepalese design. Used as both a tool and a weapon, the Kukuri’s design creates a powerful weapon that is ...

7 Ka-Bar BK9 Combat Knife

Ka-Bar BK9 Combat Knife

This is the same design used by special forces throughout the world. The Ka-bar has been field tested throughout combat zones worldwide. I love ...

Editor choice
8 Gerber GhostStrike Ankle Blade

Gerber GhostStrike Ankle Blade

A lightweight blade that straps to your ankle, it’s extremely sharp and easy to conceal. Comes with ankle strap. The Ghostrike Series ...