12 Golden Rules on How to Survive a Zombie Attack
Experts will tell you an impending zombie apocalypse is a figment of your imagination. Maybe they’ll mention something about watching too many Hollywood movies. They will be the ones who get eaten while you live to fight another day, because it’s happening soon and we’re going to prepare you for it by looking at some zombie survival gear and crucial tips.
1 – Sort Out Your Water First
I don’t know about you, but I can’t imagine zombies would spend their days swimming. They are probably so stiff it would be impossible, so if you made it to a large source of water you could quench your thirst. The new filter technology in drinking straws will allow you to drink water without getting sick even if it’s not fresh. It’s also small enough to be carried around anywhere without getting in your way.
2 – Eating Enough Protein
If you thought zombies were bad, wait until you see what happens when someone can’t get enough protein. We’ve already established zombies will never be Olympic swimmers, so water is the best place to find food. Any fishing gear you feel comfortable catching fish with will be perfect. It’s hard to trust any animals on the land, because for all you know there might be little zombie squirrels running around.
3 – Learn All About Canning Food
You will need fruits and vegetables at some point, so you’ll need to learn how about canning your food. It will preserve any fruit and veg for months, and small cans can easily be carried in your backpack. Dragging a huge bag of fresh onions and carrots around with you will mean even zombies will be faster than you, plus it will completely drain all of your energy.
4 – Choosing Your Ideal Weapon
A shotgun would be an ideal weapon of choice, but only if you had an unlimited amount of rounds. Zombies are already dead so stabbing them is pointless, and a baseball bat will eventually break. Luckily zombies are slower than a turtle with a broken leg, so a long steel pipe should be good enough. Wrap something sharp around the end that could potentially rip out their eyeballs. A blind zombie is a good zombie.
5 – Carry An Emergency Pack With You
At any moment, you might have to drop almost everything in your possession to escape into the night. If you were faced with such a scenario it would be very scary if you didn’t have an emergency pack with you good enough to keep you alive for a few days. Once the initial danger was over and it was safe to come out, you could then build up your original collection of zombie survival gear again.
6 – Always Keep A Swedish FireSteel On You
Eventually you’ll need to start a fire. It could be to cook food, keep warm at night, or to send smoke signals to communicate with other zombie apocalypse survivors. You can use a million different things to keep the fire burning all through the night, but a Swedish FireSteel should be the only thing you trust to start your fire. The flint will work every single time in all weather conditions, whereas matches and lighters are pointless.
7 – Everyone Should Have A Leatherman
You could always use a cheaper alternative, but the original American multi-tool is unbreakable and it will last long enough until someone finds a zombie cure. The reason you need one is because they’re capable of doing hundreds of different things, but one reason tops them all. If the coast is clear and the zombies are busy doing whatever busy zombies do, you can use the bottle opener to crack open a few beers and have a party.
8 – Stay Off The Ground When Possible
If you’re in the middle of a city, learn to move around from rooftop to rooftop. When you’re in the forest you’ll need to learn how to climb trees quicker than a chimpanzee. It’s always best to stay away from flat ground when possible, because it will be the ultimate surface zombies enjoy waddling on the most. It might now be a good time to start working on your upper body strength to get those climbing muscles prepped.
9 – Communicating With The Other Survivors
Maybe you’ll be able to Skype people within days of the zombies arising from the ground, but it would be foolish to believe electronic telecommunication wouldn’t cease to exist within a matter of weeks. Can you imagine searching on Google while a zombie is trying to eat you? Everyone is going to have some kind of flashlight, so the easiest way for people to communicate with each other would be by using Morse code.
10 – Emergency First Aid Expert
It’s not just enough to carry an emergency first aid kit with you. You’ll actually need to know how to use it, especially considering all the doctors will now be zombies after going to help the very first victims. You should be able to use it on yourself, and also other survivors if they’re in need of help. If they’ve been bitten it’s probably a good idea to turn around and run away from them before they turn.
11 – Knowing Exactly Where You’re Heading
Ideally you’ll have a compass with you and you’ll never get lost, but who knows what might happen to it? I’m sure you lose your car keys at the moment, so there is no shame in losing a compass when zombies are taking over the world. Just remember moss mostly grows on the north side of trees, but in the Southern Hemisphere the opposite is true. At night you can let the North Star guide you.
12 – Don’t Leave Home Without Your Medication
Zombies can’t get sick, which might have something to do with the fact they’re already dead. You are in a much more serious situation, because the hospitals will be long gone and you’ll be on your own. You’ll need all of the essential medications to keep you alive. It might feel like you’re living in the 1600s, but once the zombie problem is taken care of you’ll have access to all your fancy hospitals again.
It’s Only A Matter Of Time
They’ll have you believe you’re a conspiracy theorist, but you’ll be the one laughing in the end. Walk past a graveyard and you can almost feel the corpses rustling around already. Use this zombie survival gear and all the tips you’ve learned to escape with your life intact. Cross your fingers and hope they’re really going to be as slow as we’ve somehow come to take for granted.